I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
