i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We are all done wearing pants today
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