which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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