i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
