i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
