I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
