you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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