Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
sarcasm needs its own font
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
did i walk over a car last night?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
