we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
