sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
