3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just threw up on my dentist
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
