So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize