made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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