I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
