I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize