Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
