Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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