i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
your room smells of hookers.
And success
operation have a gay friend backfired
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
