The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
