I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
