Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
