Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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