My room smells like vodka and shame
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize