What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
