Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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