As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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