If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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