Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
