i was rollin on her like bob the builder
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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