She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
