Need sex. Gaining weight.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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