"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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