I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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