At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The best revenge is premature balding
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
