So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
