now i know why i became what i already was.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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