did you get engaged???
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
