We're like a lot better than the average bears
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
