I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
