Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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