I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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