he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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