So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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