I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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