So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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