It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You pole danced in your parka.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
