Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
