he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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