I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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