i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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