He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
