I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
