My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
