Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
