There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
