honey bunches of taint.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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