Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
