dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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