Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
