Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
