By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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