i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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