yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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