Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
