That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
