she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
