Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So squirting runs in the family.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
