I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
