i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
