I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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