If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
