Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
