Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
