This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize