how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
