I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
